2007 ART THEME: FORMERLY GREEN MAN
This year's proposed art theme "The Green Man" has created as much controversy in the Burning Man community as it has garnered praise. Clearly, no other theme we have offered has generated as much debate, particularly because it is so much more than a theme around which art may be created ... it is truly a challenge to our way of thinking, and our very way of life. It is a call to action on a scale well beyond the borders of Black Rock City, and one of vital importance to the survival of humankind.
And it seems as though you people just couldn't hack it. The perceived "encroachment of politics" on our little vacation in the desert seems to have spiraled many people into tight little tailspins aimed at the playa floor. Additionally, so much of what's being done in the scientific field with regard to environmental solutions (on a large enough scale to actually impact global warming) is necessarily happening in the corporate arena ... and the idea of these innovators being present on the playa seems to have caused people to go off the deep end.
Well, fine. We're going to make this easier for you, because it's vastly apparent we need things to be easy. As of today, April 1st, this year's art theme will be "Sports". This has been a longtime dream of ours ... to celebrate man's relationship to games of skill, and competitive challenges with small round balls.
The Man in years past has spun around and moved up and down ... this year, he will perform all 26 poses of a full Bikram yoga class, in their traditional order. Our structural engineers are currently working out the complex dynamics of the floor postures of the regimen, so those are not yet assured to be part of his practice.
The Man will practice morning, noon and night, as he stands atop a Pavilion in which we shall celebrate all the wonders of blood sport. We will construct a regulation-size boxing ring, topped by a Plexiglas ceiling, over which participants may stroll and watch the carnage below. This square circle will host bare-knuckle boxing, kickboxing, WWF-style wrestling, Greco-roman wrestling and old tyme fisticuffs. Furries and other animal fetishists will be thrown in the ring with representatives of Death Guild for our gladiator exhibitions. On Burn night, we will construct a cage of chain link and razor-wire fencing for the grand finale, no-holds-barred "Ultimate Fighting Smack-Down". If you'd like to participate in these activities, email bloodsport@burningman.com.
In the outer playa -- traditionally our spatial representation of the Great Beyond, or Outer Reaches, or Things Very Far Away and Hard to Get to by Bike in a Strong Headwind -- we will construct a complete 18-hole championship links-style golf course, modeled on Scotland's St. Andrews, known throughout the world as the birthplace of this spiritually painful and self-reflective sport. But given the unique dynamic of the playa, ours will have par 5's the lengths of which will bring tears to the eye of even the longest hitters. We suggest you pack 1.5 gallons of water per round, and your biggest drivers.
There, are you happy now? Inane, mindless activities giving you free reign to scamper about thoughtlessly on the playa, as our beautiful Earth careens into the mire of an environmental disaster the consequences of which we can only imagine. So get your balls in your hands, because it's time to have some fun! This year, we're playing sports ... Burning Man style! 
