McCAIN TO CAMPAIGN AT BURNING MAN
(posted April 1, 2008)
Phoenix, AZ -- Senator and presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain has rocked the political world by announcing his intention to bring his campaign to Nevada's Black Rock Desert this summer, during the counter-cultural art event known as Burning Man.
"While our opponents would callously ignore them, this proud American believes that even temporary cities deserve the attention of the President of the United States," said McCain senior staffer Mark Dosenberner. "We are proud that Black Rock City will be a stop on the 'Straight Talk Express' tour this summer."
Citing the compatibility of the Burning Man festival's "American Dream" art theme with his campaign's message of a bigger, stronger, somewhat-taller America, McCain hopes to reach out to the thousands of "Burners" who gather in the desert for this 7-day celebration of radical self-expression, radical self-reliance, community and art. "I look forward to engaging with the good folks of Black Rock City, and showing them not just by my words, but through my actions that deep down, despite all our glaringly stark differences, we share the same American Dream. No, seriously," said McCain, "... what's so funny? Did I make a joke?"
The candidate's research team has been briefing the Senator on the ways of the Burning Man participant, ensuring that McCain, renowned for his ability to "cut loose", will not be perceived as a so-called "newbie" or "yahoo", which could shatter his chances of garnering votes at this famed desert bacchanalia. McCain's transportation team is working with his AV crew to retrofit the Senator's "Straight Talk Express" bus to accommodate the largest state-of-the-art speaker stacks ever seen at Burning Man, and will be parking the bus on the 2:00 radial street with other sound camps. "We're putting in a set of Technics SL-1200 turntables on the roof, and recruiting the hottest international Republican DJ's to work the wheels of steel," said Dosenberner. "The Senator looks forward to personally making grilled cheese sandwiches for revelers 'rolling in' from surrounding raves each night, and maybe taking a turn on the decks himself ... you should expect some slammin' big band favorites, should that happen."
"We're in this race to win," said McCain, a decorated war veteran, "and if it takes coming out to a place like Burning Man, and mixing with ... these ... people ... to do it, well ... I figure I've been held captive in a North Vietnamese POW camp ... how bad could this really be?"
McCain's campaign will be sending an advance team to ensure all necessary security measures are in place prior to the Senator's arrival. The team will visit the playa in May to thoroughly scour the vast desert expanse, searching for potential security risks. "The playa may be flat, but it certainly isn't without its dangers ... Americans know full well that terrorists are after each and every one of us ... and don't be fooled: expansive, desolate places like the Black Rock Desert are as much a target as our homes, schools, churches, malls and SUV's. We must stay vigilant at all times," said Dosenberner.
The Burning Man Project has been fully cooperating with the McCain campaign, ensuring that every possible security step will be taken to ensure the Senator's safety while in Black Rock City. "Let's see ... I think we've got some caution tape around here somewhere," said Burning Man founder Larry Harvey. "Oh yeah, here it is."